I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
