Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
