it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
