You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a search helicopter?!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
