Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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