Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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