Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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