So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
