Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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