I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize