We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
