Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
