did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
