..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
