look no pants
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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