Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
