We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
