Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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