life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
