as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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