So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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