going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
