Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I bet he comes in French.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
