Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
