I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
