You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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