the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
