Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
