I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
