i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
