put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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