New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
