I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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