Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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