Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
