i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
