The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
