We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Randomize
