I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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