Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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