We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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