Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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