Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
