you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
