just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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