I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize