my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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