Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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