Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
