After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
