If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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