she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You've changed since you got that strap on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
