I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
