apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
