Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
