Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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