My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
