i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
