I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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