Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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