I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm passing your future prison.
organizing the empties. That sober.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
