I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
