I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
