What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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