Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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