i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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