Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
