last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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