You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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