oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
