We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
