Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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