I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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