Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
