hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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