My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
