I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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