glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
