What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
