he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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