i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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