It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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